I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
