Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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