my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
