K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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