It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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