it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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