Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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