Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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