So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
