I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
