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dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
