Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
