So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
