Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
