Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
