areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
