how can u be prego again
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
