If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
