Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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