So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
