dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
