no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
