the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
