Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
