my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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