What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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