No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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