I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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