I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
