I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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