why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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