There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
