DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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