hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
