i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
