i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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