Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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