Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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