I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
