is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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