You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
