just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
