if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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