So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Randomize
