It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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