but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
