You just made me feel so damn special
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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