Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
