So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
