I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
