My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
