Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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