Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
