My sheets look like a crime scene.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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