Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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