i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
