Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
