The maid of honor just puked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There r osticjed everywhere
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
