i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
