just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
