Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
